So I have missed a few days since the last time I wrote a blog. Some things came up that had my nerves shot. But I am now doing ok. Well as close to ok as possible. Been trying to hit the gym more so that I can get my mind off of the things going on in my life so far and doing some adoption research as well online. I am trying to keep my spirits up though and trying to look at the brighter side of things. Not an easy task if I may say, but a task that I need to keep doing; prevents me from going stir crazy I guess (laughing).
So things haven't really changed at all since I last posted. Only thing that changed was my waist size. I got all the clothes that don't fit me any more and put them in a bag to be donated to the homeless shelters. I am happy about that though, I can honestly say.
This relationship has taken a toll on me so far and I am doing my best to try to fix it, but at the same time...why fix something that keeps breaking and losing pieces each time it breaks? Pretty soon there will be no pieces left to put together to make it whole or as close to whole as it once was. I am even ashamed to say that I went furniture window shopping a few times just to see what it would cost me to furnish a place of my own. I was shocked to find out that it would cost me less then $2k to do so, but that just the bedroom, dinning room and living room. That is not including the kitchen or the bathroom. So with that said and done I am going to try to put some money to the side and save here and there till I can get close enough to the $2k not to mention the rent on places which I haven't yet gone to check out what some places are going for.
Right now I don't really even know what to write anymore until the day things change for the better. So until then I just going to write when I can and go from there.
Sincerely,
Mister M
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Friday, June 28, 2013
Lost Gay Love Part 9
So last night my partner had to go do a run for work, so I ended up staying home due to my body felt sore from the gym. Now mind you, I was home writing on the previous blog about how it was our 1 year anniversary. Now neither he or I said one word to each other on about this special occasion.
Upon his return he tosses me a bag. I could see it had cookies in it. I figured he wanted sweets so he bought it for both of us. When I opened the bag not only was there a bag of chocolate chip cookies, but a card as well say, "Happy 1 year" on it. I got up and thanked him and gave him a kiss. And I in returned said Happy 1 year anniversary to him. I read the card and it was very touching and sweet. Now in the back of my mind I was thinking. Why cookies? In the year that we have been together I have given him roses, teddy bears, love you card, left notes in his car with him even knowing till he went to work the next day.
So I can not say it was the best anniversary that I have had....EVER.
Sincerely,
Mister M
Upon his return he tosses me a bag. I could see it had cookies in it. I figured he wanted sweets so he bought it for both of us. When I opened the bag not only was there a bag of chocolate chip cookies, but a card as well say, "Happy 1 year" on it. I got up and thanked him and gave him a kiss. And I in returned said Happy 1 year anniversary to him. I read the card and it was very touching and sweet. Now in the back of my mind I was thinking. Why cookies? In the year that we have been together I have given him roses, teddy bears, love you card, left notes in his car with him even knowing till he went to work the next day.
So I can not say it was the best anniversary that I have had....EVER.
Sincerely,
Mister M
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Lost Gay Love Part 8
So today is a what I would say is a big day and though the day is not over yet I will not be the first to mention it to my partner. Today is 1 year that we have been together. Since he has walked in I have not been told Happy Anniversary. As I mentioned in one of my previous blogs that I am no longer supplying the roses, massages, etc. This is all him at this point. Today I woke up with a smile on my face and happiness of a very fond memory that I am holding on to that happened about a week to two weeks ago. I went to to run my errands that I needed to do this morning, but not before I read one chapter of Joel Osteen, "I Declare, 31 Promises to Speak Over Your Life", as it states that one should read only once chapter a day so to go through all 31 days in a month. So at this time in my life I know now what is going to happen and am just buying time to do so. I know that may be a wrong thing to do, but due to certain circumstances I must do it this way, if not I would already be out and starting on my road to happiness.
I made a promise not only to myself but to my mother; May she rest in peace; to be a father and to raise my son with the traditions and skills that my mother taught to me. I now refuse to just be in a relationship that happiness only revolves around one and not both people. In a relationship, both should be each other pillars in all aspects of the relationship to make that pillar into an indestructible Pantheon. But this relationship I feel barely even has the base made to support such a structure. So since he is not able to make me happy, I've come to the conclusion that I must make myself happy. Its sad, but true.
I went to the gym this morning and did my run and afterward I hit the sauna to sweat out some more. Afterward showered and came back home and rested and thought of all the new things that I would like to do when I move out in my own place. I am hoping that I will be able to paint a wall a different accent if not I will work around it. I am even hoping that one of the walls is a brick wall. I would love a loft, but will need to know if it was be affordable at the time of the move.
In 2 days I am going to follow up on an agency to see if they will be having a booth at the event this weekend. I am hoping that they will be there so that I can get as much information as possible before the streets start to close.
And if after sometime I meet a special someone that will make me happy, I will make sure not to do the same mistake that I have done in all my past relationship. The next relationship I will make sure that it consist of both people committing to each other equally so that one does not feel that one is doing more then the other.
I see only positive things now happening in my life and I am starting to feel the seed of happiness starting to take root with in myself. The road is opening up to me and my destination is just over the horizon.
I made a promise not only to myself but to my mother; May she rest in peace; to be a father and to raise my son with the traditions and skills that my mother taught to me. I now refuse to just be in a relationship that happiness only revolves around one and not both people. In a relationship, both should be each other pillars in all aspects of the relationship to make that pillar into an indestructible Pantheon. But this relationship I feel barely even has the base made to support such a structure. So since he is not able to make me happy, I've come to the conclusion that I must make myself happy. Its sad, but true.
I went to the gym this morning and did my run and afterward I hit the sauna to sweat out some more. Afterward showered and came back home and rested and thought of all the new things that I would like to do when I move out in my own place. I am hoping that I will be able to paint a wall a different accent if not I will work around it. I am even hoping that one of the walls is a brick wall. I would love a loft, but will need to know if it was be affordable at the time of the move.
In 2 days I am going to follow up on an agency to see if they will be having a booth at the event this weekend. I am hoping that they will be there so that I can get as much information as possible before the streets start to close.
And if after sometime I meet a special someone that will make me happy, I will make sure not to do the same mistake that I have done in all my past relationship. The next relationship I will make sure that it consist of both people committing to each other equally so that one does not feel that one is doing more then the other.
I see only positive things now happening in my life and I am starting to feel the seed of happiness starting to take root with in myself. The road is opening up to me and my destination is just over the horizon.
Sincerely,
Mister M
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Lost Gay Love Part 7
So it's official. DOMA lost the votes 5-4. This is just one step closer to equality. Now that this has happened it has opened up another can of worms in my relationship. My partner came home and as I figured he had to say something about the matter. I had my opinions and he had his. Yet in the throwing of opinions to each other I could still see that the matter of marriage did not matter much to him. On that subject as quickly as it came up it dispersed into the air.
Yesterday I mentioned the matter of adoption and how I was about to go get a pamphlet on the matter of adoption. In doing so I noticed his facial expression change as though it was another thing that he had to deal with and not in a good way. So I have come to the conclusion that no matter what I do this relationship is rooted in one way and no matter what the tree above the roots will not bend or twist to any other ideas blown its way. I have made the decision to move out once I have obtained enough funds to do so. I believe that my happiness needs to be replanted and regrown with the love that I once had for myself. This unhappiness that I have gotten to know with in the last few months has made me think of all the things that I have done wrong in this relationship. My fault in this relationship is loving to much and putting my happiness in a box in the closet when I should have had it open to grow.
Though I may not have children at this time, I fight for the child that I do not have, but will have soon. And after I have learned to be happy with myself one day I will be able to find a love that will make me just as happy as I do him and hear bells ring.
To Equality!!!
Yesterday I mentioned the matter of adoption and how I was about to go get a pamphlet on the matter of adoption. In doing so I noticed his facial expression change as though it was another thing that he had to deal with and not in a good way. So I have come to the conclusion that no matter what I do this relationship is rooted in one way and no matter what the tree above the roots will not bend or twist to any other ideas blown its way. I have made the decision to move out once I have obtained enough funds to do so. I believe that my happiness needs to be replanted and regrown with the love that I once had for myself. This unhappiness that I have gotten to know with in the last few months has made me think of all the things that I have done wrong in this relationship. My fault in this relationship is loving to much and putting my happiness in a box in the closet when I should have had it open to grow.
Though I may not have children at this time, I fight for the child that I do not have, but will have soon. And after I have learned to be happy with myself one day I will be able to find a love that will make me just as happy as I do him and hear bells ring.
To Equality!!!
Sincerely,
Mister M
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Lost Gay Love Part 6 (To trinogamous or not to trinogamous?)
Its funny how memory just pops up into ones head about certain conversations that one has had with there other half. So I already spoken in the previous blogs about the whole marriage thing and that I am now going to working on the adoption part of my life. It came to me about a conversation that we had about a month ago, and I can still remember his facial expression on this one.
The conversation was basically about a couple that he has known and has been there for him on his ups and downs in his past relationships. I had come to notice some things about this certain couple when I would be on Facebook. I didn't think much of it at first, but it started to dawn on me that the couple had taken on a third into the relationship. I am not one to judge on what you want to do in your relationship. Some like to have that relationship which I come to find out it is called a trinogamous. Well my partner came home one day after work as usual and advised me of the couples change in relationship status. My partner advised me previously that they have been having issues in trust so that is why they opened their relationship and added one more. I told him that I somewhat knew, but was not sure 100%. The whole time he was tell me his facial expressions where daunting to me. I quickly went to go on to tell him that I would never do such a thing in a relationship or want that in a relationship in any shape or form. To my surprise my partner had stated that he can not say, never, because who knows down the line it may happen. Right then and there I felt as though I had been sucker punched in the stomach. It was hard for me to finish eating the dinner I had made that night. Throughout the night I wondered how long since he has found out of his friends new found love in a trinogamous relationship did he start to think that maybe down the line he would want one as well? I have and always think of myself as a one man only relationship. It should be enough that 2 people are in the same relationship with each other and not have to think of bringing in a third. I mean really??? If that is the case why not stay single and live the stereotyped name of what everyone one has said about gay men? I don't know I don't want that in my life. I want that happiness that comes from being with one person and ONE PERSON ONLY.
So my question goes out to you. How would you feel if your partner stated that he may not want a
trinogamous relationship, but that he can't say that he would never say he would want one?
Sincerely,
Mister M
The conversation was basically about a couple that he has known and has been there for him on his ups and downs in his past relationships. I had come to notice some things about this certain couple when I would be on Facebook. I didn't think much of it at first, but it started to dawn on me that the couple had taken on a third into the relationship. I am not one to judge on what you want to do in your relationship. Some like to have that relationship which I come to find out it is called a trinogamous. Well my partner came home one day after work as usual and advised me of the couples change in relationship status. My partner advised me previously that they have been having issues in trust so that is why they opened their relationship and added one more. I told him that I somewhat knew, but was not sure 100%. The whole time he was tell me his facial expressions where daunting to me. I quickly went to go on to tell him that I would never do such a thing in a relationship or want that in a relationship in any shape or form. To my surprise my partner had stated that he can not say, never, because who knows down the line it may happen. Right then and there I felt as though I had been sucker punched in the stomach. It was hard for me to finish eating the dinner I had made that night. Throughout the night I wondered how long since he has found out of his friends new found love in a trinogamous relationship did he start to think that maybe down the line he would want one as well? I have and always think of myself as a one man only relationship. It should be enough that 2 people are in the same relationship with each other and not have to think of bringing in a third. I mean really??? If that is the case why not stay single and live the stereotyped name of what everyone one has said about gay men? I don't know I don't want that in my life. I want that happiness that comes from being with one person and ONE PERSON ONLY.
So my question goes out to you. How would you feel if your partner stated that he may not want a
trinogamous relationship, but that he can't say that he would never say he would want one?
"Not for me"
Sincerely,
Mister M
Monday, June 24, 2013
Lost Gay Love Part 5
So the web was down today so all I could do was write this
up on MS Word for now till I am able to post it on my blog. But I did get to thinking about a lot of
things while the internet was down for repair.
I figured that I am not happy with myself and the way I have been
acting. I use to be a happy positive
Latino that loved all sorts of things in life.
Most of the things I noticed that I loved was the outdoors. And ever since I moved to a new state I have
not really gone out into this world to explore it. I can’t even really say that I have dipped my
big toe into it (laughing). I am in my
late 30’s and have been asked many of times if I am in my late to early 30’s. This always makes me smile. I mean, come on…if you got compliments like
that and you know your real age you can’t help but not to smile. I take care of my body as much as possible
and try not to stress about the little things in life. Right now I am trying to look for a different
career that I have been doing for way to long.
I mean I love what I am doing, but I feel that its only 50% of what I
can actually do. So I am hoping to try
to go further more into my career so I can do that other 50% and make it 100%
So far I have seen that my blogs have been viewed but I have not yet received any comments on any of the post that I have posted. Which makes me think....are they just being glanced over or are they really being read. Well I don't really have much to say today.
But if you have any questions in regards to any of my post. Please let me know and I will answer them to the best that I can. Thanks again for reading my blog.
Sincerely,
Mister M
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Lost Gay Love Part 4
So I went over to my partner ex's for dinner and drinks. Now I don't mind the whole thing that they had a past together. Its funny though that the ex would mention there pet dog that they had when they were together. I will admit that it did bug me a little due to he went with flow. I participated through the night, we had a few drinks which lead everyone know that leads to loose tongues in some more so than others.
So in this part of the evening the conversation of couples and the amount of time together when with your partner. The other part of the conversation that came up was about marriage. BINGO. Lets talk I thought to myself. So from the conversation both my partner and the ex seem to agree on the fact that weddings are a waste of time. My partner took the time to point a finger at me to his ex and make it known that I want a wedding. And that due to the state that we are in that its is not possible to get married due to the law has not passed in this state. Understandable, but it does not mean that both can not go to another state and get married and come back to do a ceremony of unions in front of friends and loved ones.
Now with what was said and done, I figure that what I want is not being taken in to consideration, but he wants what he wants in life with my assistance. The next thing on the list to find out about is adoption which I am starting the process in the next month, which is just a week away. This is something I am looking forward to. I am on the fence and I can see my leg going over to the other side to start anew.
Sincerely,
Mister M
So in this part of the evening the conversation of couples and the amount of time together when with your partner. The other part of the conversation that came up was about marriage. BINGO. Lets talk I thought to myself. So from the conversation both my partner and the ex seem to agree on the fact that weddings are a waste of time. My partner took the time to point a finger at me to his ex and make it known that I want a wedding. And that due to the state that we are in that its is not possible to get married due to the law has not passed in this state. Understandable, but it does not mean that both can not go to another state and get married and come back to do a ceremony of unions in front of friends and loved ones.
Now with what was said and done, I figure that what I want is not being taken in to consideration, but he wants what he wants in life with my assistance. The next thing on the list to find out about is adoption which I am starting the process in the next month, which is just a week away. This is something I am looking forward to. I am on the fence and I can see my leg going over to the other side to start anew.
Sincerely,
Mister M
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Lost Gay Love Part 3
So its come to my attention that I forgot to add 2 more items to my first Lost Gay Love Part 1. In part 1 I discuss about the Physically, Emotionally and Mentally showing support to your partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other, etc. The other two point that I did not mention are called Sexually and Romantically. I know this may sound crazy but I came up with the abbreviation S.P.E.R.M.. Which I think is the perfect abbreviation after thinking about it. It is the main building block in the start of a new life. And just like S.P.E.R.M., theses are the building block on a relationship.
Yesterday I took another page out of the movie Why Did I Get Married Too; now please take into consideration I am not promoting this movie for any benefits, its just a good movie to make one think; I told my partner how I felt and how he had made me feel recently for a while now. Now I couldn't read any facial expression from his face as he told me a few reason that I may feel the way that I am feeling. Which in-turn I advised him that the way things going are my fault. He then stated in-turn that it was not, but again no facial expression or S.P.E.R.M. at all was shown. This has made me think even further more into myself. If this is how it is now, what will it be like when I want to adopt a child or children? Now don't get me started on the fact that I once asked him what he felt about the topic of gay marriage. His response is that it was not needed and all that it is was a piece of paper. Now this was sometime ago when he had advised me on what he believed. But in my own mind in heart I still wonder if that is how he still is or is he a changed man due to all the publicity on gay marriage? This month I plan on checking out some adoption material and agencies and see what his expressions are again on this matter and bring up the marriage at a later time. As I do believe in marriage and I do want to have children.
Sincerely,
Mister M
Yesterday I took another page out of the movie Why Did I Get Married Too; now please take into consideration I am not promoting this movie for any benefits, its just a good movie to make one think; I told my partner how I felt and how he had made me feel recently for a while now. Now I couldn't read any facial expression from his face as he told me a few reason that I may feel the way that I am feeling. Which in-turn I advised him that the way things going are my fault. He then stated in-turn that it was not, but again no facial expression or S.P.E.R.M. at all was shown. This has made me think even further more into myself. If this is how it is now, what will it be like when I want to adopt a child or children? Now don't get me started on the fact that I once asked him what he felt about the topic of gay marriage. His response is that it was not needed and all that it is was a piece of paper. Now this was sometime ago when he had advised me on what he believed. But in my own mind in heart I still wonder if that is how he still is or is he a changed man due to all the publicity on gay marriage? This month I plan on checking out some adoption material and agencies and see what his expressions are again on this matter and bring up the marriage at a later time. As I do believe in marriage and I do want to have children.
Sincerely,
Mister M
Friday, June 21, 2013
Lost Gay Love Part 2
Since I have published my first blog yesterday I saw that it has had 37 views. First off, thank you for viewing my blog. It makes me wonder if any out there are feeling the same as I am at this time in there relationship? And if so, are they or you working on it to make it work? Or are you getting closer to that breaking point where you know its getting closer to throwing in the towel because you to are getting tired of the shadowing boxing?
My encounter yesterday is no different then the others. But I came to think a lot about 2 movies that I truly find very helpful in what I am going through at this moment. In these movie one of the characters states, that in a relationship both must be willing to get into the boxing ring and fight for they're relationship; but if it is just only one, then what is the point. If you wish to know what movie I am referring to, it is Tyler Perry Movies (Why did I get Married and Why did I get Married too).
At this point of the relationship I am wondering. Should I continue the shadow boxing in the ring or throw in the towel.
Sincerely,
Mister M
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Lost Gay Love Part 1
Lost Gay Love
Wow...so how do I even begin to blog on this matter of lost gay love. First of all is it really lost or just misplaced in some random corner of the room in our hearts. For me, I have found love and lost it. But in doing so, I have come to the conclusion that love can be found again; it just takes time. Sometime I think we find love in person due to the fact that we don't want to be alone. So loving to be with someone is one type of love from what I have seen some do. I am not saying its the best type of love, because from what I have learned so far, its better to be single than in love with someone because we are scared to be alone. But some people have there faults, as do I. Just to put it out there, my fault is loving a person to much physically, emotionally, and mentally. But in return of providing these 3 things of nurture, I have noticed that I have neither been shown the same in return. I am starting to this blog in the first part due to the fact that I have come across having a little extra time on my hands so I wanted to put it out there. Though with the time I have had to think to and dissect myself, I have come to the conclusion that my love is nothing more then to nurture the other person; and yet my happiness is not quenched. With my thirst and craving of happiness I feel as though my body is becoming; how should I say this with out being so dreary; as a corpse with life draining out of it day by day. Yet I still cling on to it. I ask myself why each day? I ask, "is it to much to say, I love you or to pay a compliment to the person you love"? These are only a little of the things that I have done with my past partners. I have gone up and beyond when having my lovers, partners, significant other, etc. I won't lie, many of my friends have said in the past that I spoil them, and that they get use to that so much that they forget the little things that count to me. Reason why I say that I think my relationships have ended so abruptly are do to my caring for my other half so much and placing their happiness above mine.
For instance, I am in a relationship at this very moment that I do not know which way is up or down. One moment I feel that everything is okay; which is rare; and the next I feel as though I am Dorthy being spun around in a tornado and not knowing how I will land when it stops. I won't mention any names as I don't know what the out come will be at this point. I feel though to be honest and true that its not going in a direction that I hope it would have gone. But only time will tell. Mean while this is all happening, I am not saying that my relationship is all streamers and lights, except on rare times that I can remember. What I am saying is that when in a relationship I believe that a relationship should be built on a foundation. That foundation I believe is the following:
- Knowing your partner feeling so that love can grow
- Supporting your partner in life as he supports you
- Acknowledging your partner that he is there and not letting your eyes roam about for the next shiny fruit to stick your teeth in; or even looking like you want to.
- Compliment your partner from time to time.
- Don't make your partner do all the work in the relationship when it comes to nurturing one another physically, mentally, and emotionally.
- Make time for each other (REALLY IMPORTANT)
- Be honest with one another
- Talk about matters of the heart the day something bothers one of you, and don't leave it for another day. I mean, really...Don't bring up dead fish if your not going to cook it on the first day it was caught.
- And the most important of it all...the one that holds EVERYTHING together...tell each other that you love one another. Because in the end LOVE does conquer all.
See with my situation, I try to live by these rules of engagement with my partner, but he unfortunately does not see it that way. Believe me many of times I feel like I am the only one in the ring that is fighting for a relationship. I say this because he is one of those types that loves to hold on to it till he is ready to deal with it on his own terms. Which to me is a total cop out and another reason to not deal with it at that time. Other things that I have come across is the saying, "I love you"; but will only say it when they feel it? So do you not feel it? Or is it like a seasonal thing that at one time you feel it for a certain amount of time and then the following season is a hit or miss? If you really love someone, there should not be one day that passes that you can not help yourself to tell that person that you love them.
(Wow...getting hungry here....gotta eat. Be right back)
Okay, I am back now. lol. So back to what I was saying. Don't ever leave a matter that has bothered you unattended for more then it should. If the matter can be handled at that time, then by all means do so; but if your at a party, gathering, etc; handle it when you get home. This way it does not draw unwanted attention to your matter or embarrass the other. There is always a right way of doing things when it come to the matter of the heart; though it may hurt, some time more then other; it is always best to lay it to rest as quickly as possible. I have learned this a few times, but not as much as my past partners, which have learned the hard way that they can lose you due to the repetitive errors of they're ways. I am not saying I am the catch of the decade and I am not saying I am not, but when you lose something good because your not sure of your own insecurities; that is when it hits you or them.
And before you think I am some sort of psychologist in regards to the matter of the heart and love, I am not, nor do I claim to be. I am just writing what I believe are essential building blocks for a good to great relationship, in any relationship, be you gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, etc.
Learn each other likes and dislikes as those are always developing through out life as well. I have come to see in not only my relationship, but others as well that people tend to have new likes and dislikes. If one of you does not know how to cook, then teach them if they are willing to learn. Believe me when I say this; the bedroom is not the only place that can spark that emotion primal instinct that you want to ravish one another at times; sometime its could be just the scent of a certain food or sweet smell that comes from cooking/baking. Cooking together in the kitchen is another way to bond together and you not only learn how to cook if you haven't yet, but you can see the enjoyment it is to make something together and enjoy it flavors combined with the love that both had a hand in it in making it.
So at this time, I will try to see where my venture goes and go from there. But as I said, one can only get into the ring if the other is willing to fight as well for the relationship, if not its just a lost cause. I have been in; oh my god, I can't believe I am going to say this, but I have been in 7 other relationships; so this is my 8th one...and from the looks of it, it might not be my last as I am now refusing to change any further. Rose, massages, cards, etc are all being put on the back burner till I see what I need to see. Just like time can wither a stone down, so can it do it to a relationship that is being pounded away by the lack of what is needed.
Always make yourself happy....if not, you'll always wonder why.
"Loneliness can be a blessing or a sadness"
Sincerely,
Mister M
Wow...so how do I even begin to blog on this matter of lost gay love. First of all is it really lost or just misplaced in some random corner of the room in our hearts. For me, I have found love and lost it. But in doing so, I have come to the conclusion that love can be found again; it just takes time. Sometime I think we find love in person due to the fact that we don't want to be alone. So loving to be with someone is one type of love from what I have seen some do. I am not saying its the best type of love, because from what I have learned so far, its better to be single than in love with someone because we are scared to be alone. But some people have there faults, as do I. Just to put it out there, my fault is loving a person to much physically, emotionally, and mentally. But in return of providing these 3 things of nurture, I have noticed that I have neither been shown the same in return. I am starting to this blog in the first part due to the fact that I have come across having a little extra time on my hands so I wanted to put it out there. Though with the time I have had to think to and dissect myself, I have come to the conclusion that my love is nothing more then to nurture the other person; and yet my happiness is not quenched. With my thirst and craving of happiness I feel as though my body is becoming; how should I say this with out being so dreary; as a corpse with life draining out of it day by day. Yet I still cling on to it. I ask myself why each day? I ask, "is it to much to say, I love you or to pay a compliment to the person you love"? These are only a little of the things that I have done with my past partners. I have gone up and beyond when having my lovers, partners, significant other, etc. I won't lie, many of my friends have said in the past that I spoil them, and that they get use to that so much that they forget the little things that count to me. Reason why I say that I think my relationships have ended so abruptly are do to my caring for my other half so much and placing their happiness above mine.
For instance, I am in a relationship at this very moment that I do not know which way is up or down. One moment I feel that everything is okay; which is rare; and the next I feel as though I am Dorthy being spun around in a tornado and not knowing how I will land when it stops. I won't mention any names as I don't know what the out come will be at this point. I feel though to be honest and true that its not going in a direction that I hope it would have gone. But only time will tell. Mean while this is all happening, I am not saying that my relationship is all streamers and lights, except on rare times that I can remember. What I am saying is that when in a relationship I believe that a relationship should be built on a foundation. That foundation I believe is the following:
- Knowing your partner feeling so that love can grow
- Supporting your partner in life as he supports you
- Acknowledging your partner that he is there and not letting your eyes roam about for the next shiny fruit to stick your teeth in; or even looking like you want to.
- Compliment your partner from time to time.
- Don't make your partner do all the work in the relationship when it comes to nurturing one another physically, mentally, and emotionally.
- Make time for each other (REALLY IMPORTANT)
- Be honest with one another
- Talk about matters of the heart the day something bothers one of you, and don't leave it for another day. I mean, really...Don't bring up dead fish if your not going to cook it on the first day it was caught.
- And the most important of it all...the one that holds EVERYTHING together...tell each other that you love one another. Because in the end LOVE does conquer all.
See with my situation, I try to live by these rules of engagement with my partner, but he unfortunately does not see it that way. Believe me many of times I feel like I am the only one in the ring that is fighting for a relationship. I say this because he is one of those types that loves to hold on to it till he is ready to deal with it on his own terms. Which to me is a total cop out and another reason to not deal with it at that time. Other things that I have come across is the saying, "I love you"; but will only say it when they feel it? So do you not feel it? Or is it like a seasonal thing that at one time you feel it for a certain amount of time and then the following season is a hit or miss? If you really love someone, there should not be one day that passes that you can not help yourself to tell that person that you love them.
(Wow...getting hungry here....gotta eat. Be right back)
Okay, I am back now. lol. So back to what I was saying. Don't ever leave a matter that has bothered you unattended for more then it should. If the matter can be handled at that time, then by all means do so; but if your at a party, gathering, etc; handle it when you get home. This way it does not draw unwanted attention to your matter or embarrass the other. There is always a right way of doing things when it come to the matter of the heart; though it may hurt, some time more then other; it is always best to lay it to rest as quickly as possible. I have learned this a few times, but not as much as my past partners, which have learned the hard way that they can lose you due to the repetitive errors of they're ways. I am not saying I am the catch of the decade and I am not saying I am not, but when you lose something good because your not sure of your own insecurities; that is when it hits you or them.
And before you think I am some sort of psychologist in regards to the matter of the heart and love, I am not, nor do I claim to be. I am just writing what I believe are essential building blocks for a good to great relationship, in any relationship, be you gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, etc.
Learn each other likes and dislikes as those are always developing through out life as well. I have come to see in not only my relationship, but others as well that people tend to have new likes and dislikes. If one of you does not know how to cook, then teach them if they are willing to learn. Believe me when I say this; the bedroom is not the only place that can spark that emotion primal instinct that you want to ravish one another at times; sometime its could be just the scent of a certain food or sweet smell that comes from cooking/baking. Cooking together in the kitchen is another way to bond together and you not only learn how to cook if you haven't yet, but you can see the enjoyment it is to make something together and enjoy it flavors combined with the love that both had a hand in it in making it.
So at this time, I will try to see where my venture goes and go from there. But as I said, one can only get into the ring if the other is willing to fight as well for the relationship, if not its just a lost cause. I have been in; oh my god, I can't believe I am going to say this, but I have been in 7 other relationships; so this is my 8th one...and from the looks of it, it might not be my last as I am now refusing to change any further. Rose, massages, cards, etc are all being put on the back burner till I see what I need to see. Just like time can wither a stone down, so can it do it to a relationship that is being pounded away by the lack of what is needed.
Always make yourself happy....if not, you'll always wonder why.
"Loneliness can be a blessing or a sadness"
Sincerely,
Mister M
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