Wow...so how do I even begin to blog on this matter of lost gay love. First of all is it really lost or just misplaced in some random corner of the room in our hearts. For me, I have found love and lost it. But in doing so, I have come to the conclusion that love can be found again; it just takes time. Sometime I think we find love in person due to the fact that we don't want to be alone. So loving to be with someone is one type of love from what I have seen some do. I am not saying its the best type of love, because from what I have learned so far, its better to be single than in love with someone because we are scared to be alone. But some people have there faults, as do I. Just to put it out there, my fault is loving a person to much physically, emotionally, and mentally. But in return of providing these 3 things of nurture, I have noticed that I have neither been shown the same in return. I am starting to this blog in the first part due to the fact that I have come across having a little extra time on my hands so I wanted to put it out there. Though with the time I have had to think to and dissect myself, I have come to the conclusion that my love is nothing more then to nurture the other person; and yet my happiness is not quenched. With my thirst and craving of happiness I feel as though my body is becoming; how should I say this with out being so dreary; as a corpse with life draining out of it day by day. Yet I still cling on to it. I ask myself why each day? I ask, "is it to much to say, I love you or to pay a compliment to the person you love"? These are only a little of the things that I have done with my past partners. I have gone up and beyond when having my lovers, partners, significant other, etc. I won't lie, many of my friends have said in the past that I spoil them, and that they get use to that so much that they forget the little things that count to me. Reason why I say that I think my relationships have ended so abruptly are do to my caring for my other half so much and placing their happiness above mine.
For instance, I am in a relationship at this very moment that I do not know which way is up or down. One moment I feel that everything is okay; which is rare; and the next I feel as though I am Dorthy being spun around in a tornado and not knowing how I will land when it stops. I won't mention any names as I don't know what the out come will be at this point. I feel though to be honest and true that its not going in a direction that I hope it would have gone. But only time will tell. Mean while this is all happening, I am not saying that my relationship is all streamers and lights, except on rare times that I can remember. What I am saying is that when in a relationship I believe that a relationship should be built on a foundation. That foundation I believe is the following:
- Knowing your partner feeling so that love can grow
- Supporting your partner in life as he supports you
- Acknowledging your partner that he is there and not letting your eyes roam about for the next shiny fruit to stick your teeth in; or even looking like you want to.
- Compliment your partner from time to time.
- Don't make your partner do all the work in the relationship when it comes to nurturing one another physically, mentally, and emotionally.
- Make time for each other (REALLY IMPORTANT)
- Be honest with one another
- Talk about matters of the heart the day something bothers one of you, and don't leave it for another day. I mean, really...Don't bring up dead fish if your not going to cook it on the first day it was caught.
- And the most important of it all...the one that holds EVERYTHING together...tell each other that you love one another. Because in the end LOVE does conquer all.
See with my situation, I try to live by these rules of engagement with my partner, but he unfortunately does not see it that way. Believe me many of times I feel like I am the only one in the ring that is fighting for a relationship. I say this because he is one of those types that loves to hold on to it till he is ready to deal with it on his own terms. Which to me is a total cop out and another reason to not deal with it at that time. Other things that I have come across is the saying, "I love you"; but will only say it when they feel it? So do you not feel it? Or is it like a seasonal thing that at one time you feel it for a certain amount of time and then the following season is a hit or miss? If you really love someone, there should not be one day that passes that you can not help yourself to tell that person that you love them.
(Wow...getting hungry here....gotta eat. Be right back)
Okay, I am back now. lol. So back to what I was saying. Don't ever leave a matter that has bothered you unattended for more then it should. If the matter can be handled at that time, then by all means do so; but if your at a party, gathering, etc; handle it when you get home. This way it does not draw unwanted attention to your matter or embarrass the other. There is always a right way of doing things when it come to the matter of the heart; though it may hurt, some time more then other; it is always best to lay it to rest as quickly as possible. I have learned this a few times, but not as much as my past partners, which have learned the hard way that they can lose you due to the repetitive errors of they're ways. I am not saying I am the catch of the decade and I am not saying I am not, but when you lose something good because your not sure of your own insecurities; that is when it hits you or them.
And before you think I am some sort of psychologist in regards to the matter of the heart and love, I am not, nor do I claim to be. I am just writing what I believe are essential building blocks for a good to great relationship, in any relationship, be you gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, etc.
Learn each other likes and dislikes as those are always developing through out life as well. I have come to see in not only my relationship, but others as well that people tend to have new likes and dislikes. If one of you does not know how to cook, then teach them if they are willing to learn. Believe me when I say this; the bedroom is not the only place that can spark that emotion primal instinct that you want to ravish one another at times; sometime its could be just the scent of a certain food or sweet smell that comes from cooking/baking. Cooking together in the kitchen is another way to bond together and you not only learn how to cook if you haven't yet, but you can see the enjoyment it is to make something together and enjoy it flavors combined with the love that both had a hand in it in making it.
So at this time, I will try to see where my venture goes and go from there. But as I said, one can only get into the ring if the other is willing to fight as well for the relationship, if not its just a lost cause. I have been in; oh my god, I can't believe I am going to say this, but I have been in 7 other relationships; so this is my 8th one...and from the looks of it, it might not be my last as I am now refusing to change any further. Rose, massages, cards, etc are all being put on the back burner till I see what I need to see. Just like time can wither a stone down, so can it do it to a relationship that is being pounded away by the lack of what is needed.
Always make yourself happy....if not, you'll always wonder why.
"Loneliness can be a blessing or a sadness"
Sincerely,
Mister M
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